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"Believe it or not, commitment is the one thing that you should never rush in a relationship," dating expert Noah Van Hochman tells Bustle.
"..should take your time before your actions signify that the person you are with is without a doubt the one you envision your future with.
How much time you spend together when you first start dating is a hot topic of debate in my friendship group.
Even though I appreciate that everyone is different, I'm always in the camp of not seeing each other too much, so you don't fall into a love bubble and get an unrealistic sense of someone. Well, licensed clinical psychologist Seth Meyers thinks so.
So you have this girlfriend who you’ve been with you for a year. The only thing it’s costing you is “being right.” And that’s where most couples stumble. We want to tell our partners how it is — what we do, what we don’t do, how we’re not going to be bossed around. So your amazing girlfriend can feel insecure that her boyfriend of a year doesn’t really love her? Time it costs you to argue about not wanting to do this simple task: a lot more than that. And until you’ve got a ring on her finger and are signing your marriage contracts, it’s very reasonable for her to be concerned about the health of your relationship. Constant contact, constant communication, constant affection, constant talk of the future.
Your constant source of tension is that she wants to talk to you every day. If relationships are about compromise, what exactly is it costing you to talk to your girlfriend every day? Let any one of those things go for a day or a week, and I get a letter from her saying, First, keep in mind that after one year, you two are no longer “daters.” You’re in more or less a committed relationship, and if you don’t want that you had better tell her so.
I'm always wary of hard and fast rules, because there are always exceptions.
Which is pretty much what it sounds like: you start out seeing each other only once a week, then slowly build up.
The problem with this dynamic is that seeing each other too frequently in the very beginning forges an illusion of intimacy and dependence, even though each person truly knows that it takes months — or even years — to truly get to know someone."You hardly know someone, yet you're developing an emotional dependency on them — that's a scary thought.