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15-May-2020 00:17

It's common to hear stories from people we know describing how excited they were after talking online to someone who seemed so perfect, sharing the same favorite movies, sense of humor, and taste in music, TV, and literature, only to feel really let down when they actually met and got to know the person better.It's easy to play up similarity and downplay differences—and it's understandable that some people looking for companionship tend to quickly develop a crush when someone seems to "get them" right away.So while online dating is on the rise, most online relationships do not lead to long-term, committed relationships. (2013), a higher percentage of married couples in their sample (30 percent) met online, and those that did were slightly but significantly more likely to stay together and report greater marital satisfaction.Researchers are just beginning to understand the new and complicated dynamics of online dating, and it is unclear what factors go into successful matching, though long-term relationship satisfaction is likely to come from the same factors regardless of how people meet (see here for an overview of predictors of relationship satisfaction).

Many times, that first meeting is a letdown, and it doesn't go further than that. In turn, be open to sharing about yourself (while exercising prudent caution, of course). Expect that, on average, you may be disappointed, but with persistence, there is a good chance you can form a satisfying relationship. Use online dating services that match you with people similar to you, and which require greater communication and sharing as part of online courtship.It may be because expectations are inflated and idealized in the absence of more actual information about the other person: In fact, the effect is lower when there is greater communication and disclosure.The study authors note: "Online dating is another setting where certain elements of people’s personalities, behaviors, and even physical appearances may be obfuscated at first, leading to positive illusions that are not always sustainable over time." The same effect has also been seen in marriage, where not all newlyweds maintain satisfaction after the honeymoon phase.For this study, the researchers measured: 1) "anticipated future interaction," 2) "change in attraction" (from online dating to after the first date), 3) "perceived similarity" (a well-known predictor of attraction), and 4) "uncertainty" (about the other person, e.g., how well do you know them? The data, drawn directly from online conversation, included: 1) expressed similarity, 2) frequency of disclosure, and 3) pattern of information seeking, and they rated the communication volume based on the number of words in the emails. First of all, they found that most participants were disappointed after the first date, as indicated by having less attraction after meeting than during online engagement.

Furthermore, first date success was predicted by perceived similarity, expressed similarity, lower uncertainty, and greater information seeking.Sharabi and Caughlin (2017) set out to investigate the question of what predicts first-date success in their recent work.



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