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(It wasn’t true.) “There were also anonymous Instagram accounts spreading shit about people.” She learned some valuable lessons.“I sent Snapchats in ninth grade that got saved and circulated around.” She doesn’t blame herself, exactly: “The guys should have known that wasn’t something that’s OK. wasn’t Being a person of color, Diya says, dating is “a whole ‘nother ball game.“I loathe it, but I don’t know if I hate it because I’m looking for a specific type of person who’s not that common — because I want a feminist man — or if everyone hates it, and we’re all fighting an uphill battle.”Dating has always been, and will forever be, weird.But dating — and life — as a young woman in America is particularly fraught; a study in extremes.Lana, a 20-year-old who goes to Hampshire College, says of her boyfriend of a little over a year, “We’re both musicians, and he’ll say, ‘you play like a girl,’ and laugh.” Almost all the women I spoke to had experiences like this, but varied on whether they found it bothersome or not. ’ When you’re trying to use that as a flirting method, I’m like, this person is canceled.”And being a person of color, she says, dating is “a whole ‘nother ball game.One told me that she could tell the guy was joking, because that’s not the kind of thing you’d say if you were serious. It is always something that I feel I’m conscious of when I’m even just hooking up, a part of me is like, so what are your beliefs on this issue?“What I see among young feminists is a far deeper understanding than I had of how systems are working, and how race and sexual orientation and how ability levels intersect,” she tells me.
Around the time of the Brock Turner case, Zoe showed her then-boyfriend an article about the little things women endure every day.“I could tell it changed his mind, and he asked about reading my feminist books,” she says.